Truth and Compassion
It seems that we have developed a pattern in our social interactions where we are willing to sacrifice the truth to act compassionately toward others. This is especially true when we need to say, ‘no’. Our minds conjure up a story that says, “It is better to just agree or say yes, rather than potentially offend or disappoint someone we are communicating with.” So, we have come to accept that the truth is not necessarily important when wanting to be compassionate towards others. There are a couple of important points that contradict this philosophy.
In taking the long view on our actions, not telling the truth to another is ultimately going to result in more pain and suffering for the other person when the truth eventually comes to light; and it always will. Not being truthful will eventually have a negative impact on the other person’s trust in what we say. Not being truthful also erodes our ability to trust ourselves, which has a negative impact on our self-image. Last, but most important, not being truthful weakens us spiritually as we inherently know that the truth best serves us all.
Being truthful is different from speaking our truth. What we believe is true does not always have to be spoken. Judgments, opinions, and even strong beliefs are transient at best. They are always changing, always evolving. Whether or not we speak the ‘truth’ should be seen in two different lights. First, is it in the interest of the other person to share my truth? Do I feel it will help the person if I share what I believe? This is the compassionate question we all need to ask ourselves before we speak. Second, are we willing to accept what the other person feels and believes if they disagree with our ‘truth’? If we become defensive when someone disagrees with what we share, then we move from compassion to egoic hostility. We must honor what others think and feel as if that is their truth, whether we agree or not.
Truth and compassion are also related to our delivery of the message. Nonverbals play a big part in how a message is received. If we start from a defensive posture our nonverbals will appear as being combative and confrontive. This will also elicit a negative response as the receiver becomes immediately defensive. It is far better to be open and flexible when sharing, even if we are afraid. If we start in a defensive posture, then we are not ready to share. Inflection in the voice, posture, and eye contact; all of these signs are consciously and unconsciously read by the receiver and indicate if we are coming from a place of compassion or not. Sharing is compassionate, telling is not.
To be supportive and effective in communicating with others it is important to be truthful compassionately and collaboratively. Truth and compassion are never mutually exclusive. Not if our real desire is to be helpful to others.
